I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
