So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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