I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
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Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
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Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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