We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
