from now on my penis is your penis
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
