Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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