I can text with my tongue
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
ttyl tear gas
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
