But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
