dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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