Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
