Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
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New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
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I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.