Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived