Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
only if we run a train.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song