The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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