Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
