I can text with my tongue
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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