this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
