Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
