I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
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I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
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Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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