how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I am full of burrito and curiosity
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
