Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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