Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
