Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
