And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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