I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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