I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
