I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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