The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
