pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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