that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
