can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize