Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
