Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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