There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
