So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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