omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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