i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
