All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
