yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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