Little spoons don't ask big questions
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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