My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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