the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
