Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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