PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
