Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
