I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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