So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
