I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
