I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
