At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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