I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
