my being single is dangerous.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
