I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
