How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
it's like iHOP with fire
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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