why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
