I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
