seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
