This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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