Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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