ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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