I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
How does one acquire holy water?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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