I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
