Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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