SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
