Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
