Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
