i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
