You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
