I skipped work to stalk him.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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