How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
