Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
