I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
