yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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