Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
