you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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