All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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