bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
