nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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