Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
