We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
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Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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