yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
