Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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