I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So vagazzling was a success
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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