Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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