Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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